“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” ~~Matthew 28:11

�Most mornings I can barely roll my large 7 month’s pregnant body out of bed. It is a supreme effort on my part just to open my eyes, let alone actually have my feet touch the floor. This tiredness is not new to me…I’ve been there four previous times…I know it will pass…BUT, right now I feel as if I will never be refreshed and rejuvenated again. This is where my faith comes in…I can’t be refreshed right now (physically speaking) I am HUGE and I don’t sleep well–never have, probably never will–however, Jesus promises rest to the heavy laden. Now, I don’t think he was really talking about pregnant mommas but, I am going to claim it ’cause if a pregnant momma ain’t heavily laden I don’t know who is!

There is an unfortunate effect of this weariness; it takes its toll on the whole family, not just me…So far my loved ones have been more than patient (OK–the chicks are only so patient as young chidren can be) with my angry outbursts, irrational desire for a spotless, clutter-free home, floors clean enough to eat off, and a myriad other things. All this gets in the way of my good intentions. I wake up most mornings thinking to myself that THIS day will be different from the last. And it is, but only in a literal sense. I am still the same: cranky, tired, faithless, complaining, cranky, large, slow-moving…did I mention cranky? This is NOT the example I want to put before my chicks, especially my daughters. I want them to look forward to someday being mommies. I don’t want to lead them to think momma-hood is all drudgery (it does have that at times) or that is all work and no fun (I can attest to the fun!). Neither do I want to hide the truth from them–being a momma is the hardest job they will ever have (Lord willing). But it also the most rewarding thing they will ever do or so I’m told by moms more experienced than me. Moms’ who have already seen their chicks leave the nest and fly off to lead mature, Godly lives. I don’t want them to look back on these years and only remember how cranky and irritable I was…I want them to look back and see a mom who was doing her best and relying on the Lord for all things. A mom who loved them unconditionally; not only when their rooms were clean or the chores finished “mom’s way”. I want them to see a mom who prayed for them without ceasing and with complete assurance that her prayers would be answered. I want them to see the love and joy they bring to my life. In short, I want them to see what Jesus wants to see in me: a faithful woman, changed by the Holy Spirit and bearing His fruit.

I don’t know when this will occur in me…But I do know I can not do it alone…in fact I can’t do it at all (oh, how I hate to admit that). But each morning God is faithful to grant me another 24 hours in which to show His love for me by my showing love to my family. He has given me rest…all I have to do is accept it.

originally posted 10/18/05

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